A Compendium of Tweets #Laws4u
1 If anything can go wrong, it will
#Laws4U Sod’s Law (Murphy’s Law)
2 Murphy was an optimist
#Laws4U O’Toole’s Commentary on Murphy’s Law
3 Anything that is to go wrong will do so at the worst possible moment
#Laws4U First Corollary to Sod’s Law
4 If anything just can’t go wrong, it will anyway
#Laws4U Murphy’s 3rd Law
5 Where several things may go wrong, the one causing most damage will be the first to go wrong
#Laws4U Murphy’s 2nd Law
6 Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse
#Laws4 Murphy’s 5th Corollary
7 If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something
#Laws4U Murphy’s 6th Law
8 Beware of, resist and eschew pompous prolixity
#Laws4U Beardsley’s Admonition to Lawyers
9 Variables won’t; constants aren’t
#Laws4u Osborne’s Law
10 Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in
#Laws4U Forsyth’s Second Corollary to Murphy’s Laws
11 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
#Laws4u Murphy’s 8th Law
12 Natural laws have no pity (AKA: “Mother Nature is a bitch”)
#Laws4u Murphy’s 9th Law
13 In Nature, nothing is right. Accordingly, if everything is going right….something is wrong.
#Laws4u Corollary to Murphy’s 7th Law
14 The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability
#Laws4u Gumperson’s Law
15 The Golden Rule is – that there are no Golden Rules
#Laws4u GB Shaw’s Golden Rule
16 1. Everybody makes generalisations
- All generalisations are false
#Laws4u Law of Generalisations
17 Nothing ever gets built on time or within budget
#Laws4u Cheop’s Law
18 Carelessly planned projects take 3x longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project only twice as long
#Laws4u Golub’s Law
19 You can pretend to be serious you can’t pretend to be witty
#Laws4u Guitry’s Postulate
20 If the bread fell butter side up, it was buttered on the wrong side
#Laws4u Sod’s Law Redux
21 The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights
#Laws4u Getty’s Reminder
22 The tyre is only flat on the bottom
#Laws4u Fishbein’s Conclusion
23 Man is a noble animal, splendid in ashes, and pompous in the grave
#Laws4u Browne’s Epigram
24 Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them
#Laws4u Boucicault’s Imperative
25 A Robin Redbreast in a cage, Puts all Heaven in a rage
#Laws4u Blake’s Admonition
26 The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction
#Laws4u Blake’s Law
27 If you can’t imagine a 20% loss in prices, don’t be in the stock market
#Laws4u Boyle’s Share Axiom
28 What goes up must come down
#Laws4u Gann’s Other Law
29 The Future’s Market will go up the day after you sell
#Laws4u Broker’s By-Law
30 The market will rally from this or lower levels
#Laws4u Stockbroker’s Law
31 Delay is the deadliest form of denial
#Laws4u Parkinson’s Law of Denial
32 Any clause providing for alternative correct clauses means both are wrong
#Laws4u Yoseloff’s Law of Statute
33 4 is 1 more than more than enough
#Laws4u Pastore’s Liquor Law
34 Celibacy is not hereditary
#Laws4u First Law of Socio-Genetics
35 Things always fall at right angles
#Laws4u Sprinkle’s Paradigm
36 Everything sooner or later falls apart
#Laws4u Xerxe’s Imperative
37 If you’re coasting, you’re going downhill
#Laws4u Pierson’s Law
38 Even with a 5 year old (A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on)
#Laws4u Corrolary to Goldwyn’s Contract Law
39 A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on
#Laws4u Goldwyn’s Contract Law
40 Some of it plus the rest of it equals all of it
#Laws4u Trichologist’s Law
41 Even God can’t change the past, though historians can
#Laws4u Butler’s Aphorism
42 If it should exist, it doesn’t
- If it does exist, it’s out of date
- Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws
#Laws4u Arnold’s Law of Documentation
43 If at first you don’t succeed, read the manual
#Laws4u Agathon’s Law
44 Bad regulation begets worse regulation
#Laws4u Montgomory’s Admonition
45 If All You Have Is A Hammer, Everything Looks Like A Nail
#Laws4u Baruch’s Observation
46 Logical consequences are the scarecrows of fools and the beacons of wise men
#Laws4u Huxley’s Imprecation
47 Misery is a match that never goes out
#Laws4u Huxley’s Axiom
48 Virtue is its own punishment
#Laws4u Denniston’s Law
49 Trust everybody, but cut the card
#Laws4u Dooley’s Law
50 The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets
#Laws4u J Alfred Prufrock’s Omission
51 Things are more like they are now than ever before
#Laws4u Ike’s Paradox
52 Last year’s was always better
#Laws4u Law of Regressive Achievement
53 Somewhere, beyond space and time, is wetter water, slimier slime
#Laws4u Brooke’s Law
54 More will mean worse
#Laws4u Kingsley Amis’s Rule
55 The more alternatives, the more difficult the choice
#Laws4u D’Allainvval’s Laws of Choice
56 Here’s tae us; wha’s like us? Gae few, and they’re a’ deid!
#Laws4u Scot’s Law of Diminishing Returns
57 The sooner every party breaks up, the better (Mr Woodhouse)
#Laws4u Austen’s Party Law
58 Everybody should believe in something – I believe I’ll have another drink
#Laws4u Dean Martin’s Postulate
59 There is no safety in numbers – or in anything else
#Laws4u Thurber’s Law
60 The quality of the correlation is inversely proportional to the density of the control
#Laws4u May’s Law
61 If a computer cable has one end, then it has another
#Laws4u Lyall’s Conjecture
62 Those who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made
#Laws4u Willy’s Dicta
63 Nature will tell you a direct lie or misrepresentation whenever possible
#Laws4u Darwin ‘s Observation
64 Natural laws have no pity (Mother nature is not benign)
#Laws4u Murphy’s 8th Law
65 Nature always sides with the hidden flaw
#Laws4u Murphy’s 7th Law
66 Multiplication is vexation, Division is as bad, The rule of three doth puzzle me, And Practice drives me mad
#Laws4u Napier’s Algorithm
67 Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn’t expect to be paid back.
#Laws4u Steele’s Borrowed Aphorism
68 You pays your money and you takes your choice
#Laws4u Hobson’s Other Law
69 When all else fails, read the instruction
#Laws4u Walter’s Imprecation
70 It works better if you plug it in
#Laws4U Sattinger’s Rule
71 Not much can go wrong with your computer, until you plug it in
#Laws4u Murphy’s Law of Passive Imperatives
72 1 You can’t win
2 You can’t break even
3 You can’t even quit the game
#Laws4u Ginsberg’s Laws of Thermodynamics
73 All people are cremated equal
#Laws4u Beauregard’s Second Law
74 The sum which when multiplied, divided, added or subtracted from your answer gives what you needed
#Laws4u Q Law
75 You can see a lot by just watching
#Laws4u Law of Observation
76 Old worms never die, they just worm their way in to bigger cans
#Laws4u Zymurgy’s 2nd Law of System Dynamics
77 Once you open a can of worms, you can only re-can them by opening a bigger can
#Laws4u Zymurgy’s 1st Law of System Dynamics
78 An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less
#Laws4u Expert Precept
79 To spot the expert, see who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most
#Laws4u Expert’s Law
80 Nothing comes from nothing
#Laws4u Lear’s Law of Tragedy
81 Familiarity breeds children
#Laws4u Twain’s Law of Immutable Inevitability
82 It ain’t necessarily so
#Laws4u Gershwin’s Law
Anything in parentheses can be (ignored)
83 #Laws4u Seeger’s Law
84 You can work for posterity, but if you can get posterity to work for you, you’re winning
#Laws4u Posterity Law
85 Given enough time, what you put off doing today will eventually get done by itself
#Laws4u Law of Inertia
86 You need three umbrellas; one to leave at home, one to leave in the office, one to leave on the train
#Laws4u Umbrella Maxim
87 All things being equal, all things are never equal
#Laws4u Rule of Selective Equality
88 Doing it the hard way is always easier
#Laws4u Murphy’s Law of Paradox
89 Murphy’s Law was not propounded by Murphy, but by someone else with the same name
#Laws4u Law of Murphy’s Law
90 What we learn from history is – that we don’t learn from history
#Laws4u Law of History
91 Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet
#Laws4u Abraham Lincoln’s Retrospective Rule
92 If I’d asked what they wanted, they’d have said “a faster horse”
#Laws4u Henry Ford’s rule of Customer Surveys
93 Don’t ask the barber whether you need a haircut
#Laws4u Barber’s Law of Experts
94 You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on
#Laws4u Dean Martin’s Rule of Intoxication
95 Don’t interview Emu
#Laws4u Corollary to Parkinson’s 1st Law
96 Work expands to fill the space available
#Laws4u Parkinson’s 1st Law
97 If 2 wrongs don’t make a right, try 3
#Laws4u Nixon’s Principle
98 Just when you get really good at something, you don’t need to do it anymore
#Laws4u Lowery’s Law of Expertise
99 The ball shall not be in play until it has travelled forward the distance of its own circumference
#Laws4u Rooney’s Law
The wider a culture is spread, the thinner it gets
100 #Laws4u Cultural Constant
j paul sykes 